The time capsule recently unearthed during restoration works on a Public Toilet in Bridlington has been opened at a gala charity event in the town.
The capsule, believed to be the one buried in 1983 by the then popular BBC TV children’s programme Blue Peter, drew large crowds eager to witness the treasures deposited over a quarter of a century ago, with many believing rumours that it contained a worn pair of Janet Ellis’ own range of ‘scratch’n’sniff’ panties.
A number of local celebrities were in attendance, along with a host of condescending ex-Blue Peter presenters, including Ellis and her now infamous daughter Sophie Ellis-Bextor, whose head many mistook for a satellite dish.
To a fanfare, John Noakes and Paul Hudson cut the ribbon and thousands of onlookers were treated to the wonders within. First to be uncovered were 250,000 silver milk-bottle tops which experts estimate are now worth in excess of fuck all.
The contents then uncovered included an Annual, a Tracy Island, a petrified Joey Deacon, and mysteriously, a large human turd, which John Noakes held aloft declaring to the crowd’s delight, “Here’s one I made earlier.”
One notable surprise of the evening was the discovery of Harvey the Blue Peter tortoise still carefully sealed in his cardboard box, intended for winter hibernation. Much to everyone’s delight and despite initial fears, he was found to be safely dead and rotting. Mercifully, scratch marks on the lid confirmed he’d suffered a terrible and prolonged demise.
The last item to be recovered was a child’s depiction of how life would look in 2009, by a then unknown 8 year old: Damian Hurst. The stunning watercolour, said to be reminiscent of Turner or Monet, was immediately judged to be worthless and destroyed as it showed none of the genius he later displayed, when he hacked a cow in half and jammed it in a fish tank.
Following the success of the evening, a new time capsule will be buried later this year and will include: the stick from up Anthea Turner’s arse, Konnie Huq’s top ten (just for fun) Fatwah list, and John Lesley’s (just for fun) balaclava.
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