• Latest Headlines
• 2012
• 2011
• 2010
• • December (0)
  • November (0)
  • October (3)
  • September (5)
  • August (3)
  • July (1)
  • June (0)
  • May (0)
  • April (0)
  • March (0)
  • February (0)
  • January (0)
• 2009

A local couple have announced their intention to enjoy their divorce a second time round after the husband was struck down by amnesia.
 
Treasured memories of the joyful day Tony Scott received official confirmation that he’d rid himself of his wife were tragically lost after he sustained repeated blows to the head during a public fracas.
 
Mr. Scott said: ‘People tell me I’m the luckiest bloke alive, but I have to take their word for it because I don’t recollect anything about married life, apart from the occasional flashback whenever I see a child dismembering an insect.’
 
‘All I have is a few abusive texts, a wedding photograph with the eyes singed out, and a note addressed “Miserable Turd” that she pinned to the door the day she left. It’s not enough.’
 
A close friend said: ‘I remember the day he got his decree absolute. He kissed the envelope before ransacking the loft for his ex-wife’s wedding dress which he then wore while delivering a dirty protest all over her toyboy’s new Corsa.’
 
He added: ‘It was a beautiful moment but sadly he recalls nothing, including the subsequent fight that led to his memory loss.’
 
Mrs. Scott is equally keen to renew her vows of annulment, but explains that first they need to re-enact the breakdown.
 
She said: ‘I don’t mind going through the build-up again, specially the Dutch Dash with Big Bob that left me with no feeling in the lower half of my body for the best part of two weeks.’
 
‘Of course, I’ll intercourse my ex-husband one last time too, not through sympathy but for a final laugh at his clumsy technique and the way his pompous fat face twists itself into something resembling Stephen Fry on a rollercoaster.’
 
But a spokesperson for Relate has warned against the de-sanctification of divorce.
 
He said: ‘Our advice to troubled couples would be to ignore the derogatory comments, to rise above the resentment, to turn the other cheek against the extra-marital affairs and to hang in there as long as possible ...’
 
‘That way when you finally pull the plug the friends you haven’t seen since you were kidnapped into the dungeon of matrimony twenty-five years ago get a much bigger laugh when you arrive back on the scene, bodypopping and lip-synching to “Ice Ice Baby” in your lovingly pressed chinos and Don Johnson blazer.'

Source: http://www.hulltheotherone.com/news/society/68-you-must-remember-this.html